Matsuda's Birthday Shorts
by The Wammy Girl
Summary: Five randomly-selected people with which Matsuda interacts. Implied/ Minor shonen-ai. Enjoy Matsuda's birthday present! T because Ide is actually kinda dirty.


**A/N: **I officially hate the chronology of birthdays in Death Note. I used up all my spur-of-the moment creative juices on Mello's present yesterday! Mind you, I think it turned out well, but I frikin' love Matsu!! -sighs- Either way, this is something, and I had fun with it. None of my stories (except maybe Split and Environmentalist) are on break/ discontinued. I'm just lazy. I swear I'll work on them over my break (next week!!!)

By the way, I decided to choose each character Matsuda is with by closing my eyes and pointing to the list of characters on wikipedia. Pairings? Not really. Some implied/ minor.

Long author's notes are long, I don't own DN, Pushing Daisies, the phrase "Oh, hamburgers.", or South Park. Bye and enjoy!

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Random Shots of Random

1. Matsuda and Mikami (I swear, I didn't do this on purpose!!)

Matsuda stepped hesitantly into the office building of Mikami Teru. In times of stress or boredom, Mikami liked to knit. He found the layette stitch to be particularly soothing as of late.

"Mr. Mikami?" Matsuda said quietly as the private detective/ lawyer set down his knitting needles on the manuscript of a pop-up book titled "Lil Kira".

"Oh, Mr. Matsuda." he replied, looking up.

"I need your help, Mr. Mikami. My lover... Raito... he's gone." Touta said desperately.

"Can you give me a description?" the PI/ lawyer inquired.

"He's cute, and sweet, and funny, and-" the chattering man began, only to be cut off.

"I mean to say, what does he look like." Mikami said bluntly.

"Oh... he has brownish-blond hair, brown eyes, and he's about 5' 8". Here's his picture." the seemingly absentminded man said, sliding a photo across the desk.

"Hmm..." Mikami said as he scrutinized the picture. "Do you think he would have any reason to leave?"

"Oh, no... no, no, no, he loved me very much, we were happy. He would have no reason-"

"Let me ask you this, does he ever go on long business meetings?"

"No."

"Call you his boyfriend."

The man blushed, "No."

"Did you two have... er, intimate relations."

"Very. Long walks on the beach, piano concerts-"

"I meant in the biblical sense!"

"Oh... no."

"Well, let me put it this way... Men are like dogs. They go, you know, barking up your tree. But if they don't see a kitty-cat up in that tree, they go away to bark up another tree. Raito isn't missing, he's barking up someone else's tree."

Matsuda gently and slowly picked up the photo of Light and stood by the door. "Thank you for your time." he said quietly and sadly.

2. Matsuda and Sachiko (No comment...)

"Mrs. Yagami?" Matsuda said shyly, his hand behind his head.

"Yes, dear?" Sachiko answered with fake politeness.

"Could I..." he began.

"Spit it out, dear." Sachiko said after several moments of awkward silence.

"Could... I mean maybe... could I..." he began to stutter, but faded off.

"Go on..." she prompted, getting annoyed.

"Could I, PLEASE..." he emphasized nervously.

"JUST SAY IT ALL READY YOU IDIOT!!" Sachiko screamed at the top of her lungs.

"CouldIpleasedateSayuplease?" Matsuda said quickly, twitching and shaking.

"No." Mrs. Yagami said, and went off to fold some sheets.

3. Matsuda and Criminals

Matsuda sat in the visiting room, talking to his criminal pen pal.

"So... how are you?"

"Gr."

"Um... is that a good growl or a bad growl?"

Suddenly the criminal clutched his chest, convulsed, and died.

"Oh, hamburgers. Not again."

4. Matsuda and Naomi

The day was going quite normally at Task Force HQ, until it wasn't. A female had interrupted the way of male life on the Saturday of Not Actually Doing Anything.

Naomi Misora had strode into Task Force as if she was the most powerful person in the world. Her long hair was spread in the wind, and her chin held high. She promptly trotted over the the working L and pecked his cheek.

"Go 'way." Matsuda mumbled as he pushed her back outside as an instant downpour started.

He then went over and put L on his lap on the couch. He leaned over and kissed L on the top of the head. "What an annoying girl."

5. Matsuda and Takada

As Takada came on the news, Matsuda stared. "Sparkly..."

"You know the TV can't talk back, right?" Ide commented as he walked by.

"Shush. Don't spoil it." Matsuda replied without taking his eyes from the pretty box.

"Hey, Matsuda?" Ide said.

No response.

"Hey?"

Nothing.

Ide snapped his fingers in front of Matsuda's face, still with no response.

"You know, I saw Misa the other day... on a street corner!"

A surprising lack of speech.

"Takada was there too!"

Still... nothing.

"They were doing their _second job..._"

Nada.

"They're prostitutes."

Zip.

"Misa is a whore! Takada is a slut!"

Zilch.

"You like sluts!!"

Finally, Matsuda turned.

"Seriously, who doesn't?"

Ide was speechless.

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**A/N: **Ok, so the first one was almost a direct copy of an episode of Pushing Daisies, with Mikami as Emerson Cod and Matsuda as Vivian Charles. Thank you Brian Fuller and all the writers of this dearly deceased show. I highly recommend it.

"Oh, hamburgers." is from South Park, I think it's something Butter's says... I don't know, I hardly ever get to watch it anyway. On another SP-related note. Kenny-chan is my favorite~

Bye, and thanks for reading this!! (Oh, and if you want me to write a complete one-shot for one of these ideas, just mention it in a review/ message/ something else!)


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